trust me,i've got a plan,when the lights go off you'll understand.

i love you jake

im sorry about the night you got shot

and the night i got raped

youll be messed up forever

so will i

were meant to be

but you cut

you cut yourself for things like that

im telling you to stop

before i lose you

and i know youve been getting those letters from tim

me to

dont let those bother you

he wont do what he did ever again

he knows

he knows we are scared of him now

but as long as im with you

we'll be ok

day 1:  1:45 am

me: what the hell is your problem?just put the gun down!

tim: im sorry i just cant deal with you any more!

me: well you dont have to fucking kill me!

tim: to get rid of you..yea i have to shoot you,it wont hurt.

me: but you used to love me!

tim: fuck you! you always say that you never mean it!

me: i do mean it! every single fucking time i say it!(i slowly pulled the gun out of my back pocket)

tim: ill never forget how you used me

me: what the fuck!? ive fucking never used you!

tim: oh really?(he put the gun to my neck)

me: really!! i swear! why would i use someone i acctually love!

day 2:  4:56 am

tim-(still holds the gun to my neck)

me-tim! snap back into reality! if you shoot me right now,you will be wanted everywere for killing me!

tim-ill take my chances

me-youve gotta be kidding!(im still holding my gun desperatly)

jake-(comes in the door) WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

tim-(aims another gun towards jake)

me-(yells for help) HELP ME!!

tim-i swear to god i will shoot this mother fucker right through you,shut the fuck up!

jake-(slowly pulls out his gun) *in a shaky voice*tell me what the fuck is going on!

tim-i am sick and tired of your little boyfriend using me!(digs the gun deeper in my neck)

me-(lets out a soft yell)

tim-i said dont say anything else!

jake-just put down the gun!!!

tim-not till hes gone!

jake-(aims his gun at tim)

tim-(shoots jakes side and watches him fall to the ground)

jake-(yells for me to help him) brent! help me! i cant feel my side!

tim-ill shoot you again if you dont shut the FUCK UP!(takes me in my room and lays me on my bed and takes his gun away from my neck)

me-what are you doing?!

tim-(takes off his clothes) im doing it like old times (slowly takes off my shirt)

me-(yells for jake)

tim-he cant hear you..hes dead

me-(yells loudly for jake again)

tim-(slowly takes off my shoes my belt and my pants)

me-what the hell are you doing?!

tim-what we used to do (he gets out a video camera and films us,completely naked and soon enough hes having sex with me)

woa i just had some of the BEST sex ever!

ahh i never wanted it to end!

i didnt think sex couldnt get that good.

im doing it later to!!!!

it was with emo is my life, brendon lover, and kelseylovesbob.

hard core!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woooo im having THREESOMES now!

wow i love it!

its with jake and tim

tims the new one

(as ya already know)

holy shit! i thought jake was good..

but if you get TWO in the bed

thats totally different

much better

ya people still think im gay though

and like a few days ago

i was like making out with them on the couch

and this chick nocks on my door and asked if we were ok!!

i guess we were fucking to loud...

ya but as soon as she left..you pretty much know the rest

i love jake!

wooo i love jake soooo much!

i actually think i can spend my whole life with him

we are like so in-love its just awesome

ahh i love when we like start making out then we get all sweaty

and like no one knows about us doing what we do

cause my parents live in colorado for like almost 2 years

and my sis never comes home from her friends house

so its just me and jake

and that answers some peoples questions

so thats when we DO IT!! uhh

*cough*

yeah i really love him

no no you cant have him or try him

cause he only does ME!

not you,

ME!

ok i think you get it now but i know you want more jk!

oh yeah im not gonna hurt myself any more

no more guns

no more knives

just jake..

hes my FAVORITE weapon

expesially when,

well im not going to get into the sex stuff

thought it feels so good

and also,well i said i wouldnt tell but,its bad

he just,*dare i say it* fucked me in the shower!

told you it was bad,but you cant resist it every single night

you just have to

when jake is in your house

oooh i just cant forget the pleasure!

he entertains me with his long.....you know what!

sorry for the sex-thing

i just had to get it out

if you didnt like it get over it

well im gone to get FUCKED!!

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TREATED

LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING SLAVE

AND JAKE BABY,

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND

BABY YOU CANT HOLD ME BACK

IM SHOOTING MYSELF IN THE HEART

AND THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT

YOU WILL NEVER HEAR OF ME AGAIN

ILL BE IN HELL WERE IM ACTUALLY LOVED

IM COUNTING DOWN FROM 100 AGAIN

SO GOODBYE

i shot myself

i aimed for my heart but somehow it ended up in my stomach

jake was there the whole time

he was yelling at me to stop

but i didnt

i was out for about a day

jake was beside me the whole time

i couldnt stop bleeding

but thats just perfect for you

you held me back

next time i try to die it wont be in your hands

it will be in jakes

i know he wont let me die

never

im not joking this time

i cant belive all these people are saying im a fake

this guns not going anywere

nobody fucking cares about me anyway

thats cause nobody believes me

they belive the fakes and liars

not me

my life is about to end

please forgive me

i love you sara

not sure if you love me though

i hope so

its short but it means so much

i love you baby

just picture my profile photo covered in blood

thats what your about to see

you dont care do you

theres already blood everywere cause of me

the world is about to be filled with blood

i dare you to watch me die

go ahead you know you want to

ill send you a video of it

maybe that will make you happy

its all because of you

im doing this so youll be happy

thats what you want right?

i know you do

you know you do

if im lucky of not lucky ill die

that should make you happy

kill me

though i dont deserve it

theres a gun at my head right now

please help me

kill me

well once again im bored as hell

great huh

but when i met you

i knew you were the one

but you left after we...well you know

i dont know why

you loved me right?

you cared for me right?

i just wonder sometimes

i wonder where you are

jake you never went anywere without me

why did you leave me

i get slapped and beat when i dont do something right

 2 or 3 people love me exept for my friends

i get thrown on concrete for no reason

i get kicked for doing something wrong

no one knows how it feels

how it feels to be me

i get in fights for being bi

i usually lose

i come home with a bloody nose

actually everything covered in blood

it looks like i killed someone

but i am the one killed

im like a slave

i hate it

you dont know what that feels like

i dont deserve it

no one deserves it

no one deserves what i am going through

id rather it be me living with it instead of someone else

why do i get treated like a slave

thats why i stabbed myself

ive done it 4 times before

this is the 5th time in the same spot

somethings holding me back from dying

sometimes i want to pull the trigger of my gun

but the something holds me back

i try to die

i cant

welcome to my life

i miss you more than words can say

why cant i get you back

your what i think about at night

i hate to know your not right by my side

the place where i stab myself

where are you

why wont you call me

are you dead or alive

are you ok

do you miss me as much as i miss you

do you still have my picture in your wallet

do you think about me

would you remember me if you saw me at school

are you with anyone

i miss you

i  hope you read this

ok this fucking sucks so bad...........ive stabbed myself in the side and it hurts like hell,i dont cut myself i just hurt myself.......then about 2 days later i pierced my belly button,i know thats strange for a boy but i wanted it done so i did it. well do you remember the pic of me n my x?well i had sex with him in the pizza hut bathroom that i used to work at.then my boss found out and almost sued me for you know what!i know i sound like one of those crazy boys who do that kind of stuff all the time but im really not.most people dont realize that.i mean im gonna have sex but its usually in the bedroom,it was just that once i did him in the bath room.

god my life is really sucking right now!

im not having fun

you dont know what it feels like

you dont want to know what it feels like

you wont ever feel this pain

this pain ive had for 15 years

it wont leave

im scared of it

it haunts me

it tries to kill me

its sometimes takes over me

i cant control it